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I’ve been through a lot of tough stuff, and I’ll share here some of the stories about persevering and what got me through the hardest of the hard. 

I’ll start with what I am proud of right now, because it is a real results-oriented success: Middle Age Mom Weight Loss. 

A bit of info first: I am 49 years old, with two teenage boys, whom I raise on my own because my husband Nathan died of colon cancer two years ago. A tragedy in many ways, some say Shakespearean, some say Wagnerian. All I know is that the man of my dreams lost two of the things most sacred to him: a strong, sturdy, and studly (💋) weightlifters body and a whip-smart patent attorney and data scientist brain. Yes, he lost his life and future with me and our two sons, but watching his body and brain melt away over nine months was truly heartbreaking. 

After he died, I looked at the pictures in his phone. What I did not know was that every month, for the nine months of treatment before his death, he took a selfie in the mirror, apparently tracking the face of death. I cannot imagine that torment. Did I mention that one week before his stage four cancer diagnosis, he started his dream job as Artificial Intelligence counsel at WalMart? Wagnerian, yes. I’ll miss and love Nathan forever. Life just lifes, and those left behind must live. 

So, that’s a story for another post (or ten), but now I turn to my perimenopausal weight gain and subsequent weight loss success. Because in a life marred by young widowhood, single parenthood, bipolar disorder, failing the bar, getting $300,000 in debt, suffering psychological and sexual abuse, and more, a black and white victory in the column for my overall health seems sublime. 

For a lot of reasons, I gained over 50 pounds in the last ten years. Busy life as an attorney, wife, mother, author, real estate investor, and volunteer. Too many wine nights, ice cold Ultras by the pool, and Thirsty Thursday Trivia Nights (which were always VV fun). Alcohol was truly a problem. And I had to take a hard look at that. 

Anxiety and dread, paired with the toxicity in our world over the last ten years, did me and my health no favors. COVID packed a wallop, for one thing. 

I tried to stay on top of exercise, and I did play tennis, but I never got into the gym on a regular basis. I went through periods of depression and mania each year, like clockwork, which threw off my appetite one way or the other. One holiday season, from November 23 to January 2, I gained 17 pounds. What!??? I thought weight gain was slow and steady and inevitable, from the stories I heard from women older than me. But 17 pounds in 5 weeks? Stuffed like a fat turkey. How could I keep going at that rate? 

I was just miserable. 

So in February 2025, three doctors (PCP, Psychiatrist, and Hormone Doctor) told me I was on the edge and could orphan River and Carter if I didn’t make a serious health change. Soon. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, family history of diabetes and cardiac arrest, my thyroid was nuts, and the worst was how I felt when I looked in the mirror. Mentally I was a mess, not really depressed, but just so disappointed in how far I had fallen from a college volleyball player in top shape. I always liked to put on makeup and get fancy to go out, and now, I was too embarrassed to even make an attempt. 

…See my before and after pictures: left is hammered, hopeless, helpless, and heavy. Right is happy and healthy just a month ago…

So, with the doctors’ advice, I put the following seven things in place. And for some reason, I believed that finally something for weight loss would work, when all the ketotastic, low-carbolicious, Weight “Watch me boomerang again” fad diets had not. 

On March 1, 2025, I committed to:

1. getting 80-100 g protein a day

2. Fasting daily (starting at a 16 hour fast and increasing after several months to 18-20 hour fasts).

3. Taking fiber gummies (boy did that help get me more regular and flush toxins).

4. Drinking 100 oz water a day from my lucky Philadelphia Eagles off-brand Stanley cup.

5. Playing my favorite pickleball 2-3 times a week. 

6. Quitting drinking.

7. Going to bed an hour earlier each night. 

This all seems like a lot, right? Too hard to do all at once? Well, when I committed to just one week, ONE WEEK, of these seven things, I lost 5 pounds. And better yet, I felt WELL….I felt inspired, hopeful, fresh, beautiful, and confident. After ONE WEEK. I knew I found something real that I could practice in real life, and over six months I lost over 30 pounds. I did not ever do the Shots, because my doctors recommended against it--if that’s what kickstarted your health era, good for you! Anything to cut out the food noise.. I just looked at the realities, and took my health seriously, as if my sons’ future well-being depended on it. It did. 

I eat things that taste good in my eating window, which is roughly 12:30 pm to 7:00 pm (it can flex as needed). I go for protein snacks at 3:00 pm instead of chips or cookies. Things like protein shakes or bars, cottage cheese, canned chicken, greek yogurt, or protein granola. This keeps me full with no sugar/carb rush or crash. Before, I could mindlessly demolish a bag of Lay’s potato chips. Now, having protein at the ready in my fridge or pantry, instead of chips, is key to stopping that habit. Also I use all sorts of flavors to cook…spices, lemon, red wine vinegar, garlic, ginger, olives, feta, hot sauce…it makes food that is healthy and full of protein taste phenomenal. And all this healthy work is free and cooking at home is cheap! 

I drink a cold Bud Zero after pickleball. And Mocktails, oh my! Lots of restaurants in Little Rock and NLR are doing half-price mocktails with delicious zesty fruit flavors. I love a ginger beer cherry “Mule” at the Pantry or Cypress Social. Great bartenders will just ask what flavors you like and whip up something fresh and fun. Right, David Timberlake? He’s one of the Great Bartenders in our town!

I stick to an absolutely clean fast, with only black coffee, unsweetened tea, and plain sparkling water. The book Fast, Feast, Repeat by Gin Stephens showed me the biology behind why only a clean fast will achieve the fasting weight loss and other health benefits. When I daily fasted before, I would put an Equal and a dash of heavy cream in my morning coffee. Then I would be starving an hour later and eat two double cheeseburgers and a Coke at 11:00 am. No point in a fast unless it is CLEAN. At least for me. I gained weight when I dirty fasted. Google for yourself “clean v. dirty fast.” or read this article which breaks down the difference between the two and the science behind it.

I joined a Facebook group for middle-age women who fast, and that is a very helpful community. I may wobble my weight and my focus over a three-day holiday weekend, but then I get back to my seven habits and the balance comes right back. 

In the morning, I have two to three cups of GOOD black coffee. (After two weeks of strict black coffee, which I used to think was utterly BLECH, I came to enjoy it). I eat a big lunch with the right macros. I end my window around 7:00 pm, with room to modify the window as needed for social events. After I close the window I have unsweetened iced tea or a plain sparkling water. Even zero calorie flavored sparkling water breaks a fast. Oh, I also stopped my two can per day DDP habit. 

Knuckle through that for a week and you won’t miss it. 

The stats:

49 years old

5’9”

Top college athlete weight: 150. 

March 1, 2025 Starting weight: 211

September 1, 2025 Current weight: 179

Average weight loss: 5 lbs per month

Goal weight: ( … ), how about I just continue to feel good and confident? 

I stopped the slide, I hope for good!! Subscribe to my digest and you’ll get more great tips on this midlife health transformation, along with all sorts of other inspo. And feel free to ASK ANYTHING at hilarybethhoney@gmail.com. I will write here about engaging questions that you have. I am an open book! I love you all, the dark and broken parts even more than the light. Believe it! 

-Hilary